I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
