I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need moral support for this bender
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
