But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
