dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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