Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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