did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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