census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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