ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You smell like stripper and shame
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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