So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize