we're chasing vodka with high fives
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
