Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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