Whod you bang
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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