A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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