Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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