I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
