In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
