Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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