I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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