this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
