We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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