what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
