My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
