Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
