Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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