four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
