Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
