Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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