I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
