chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
