My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
