im having a threesome with these popsicles
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
