The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
