grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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