So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
