There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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