Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
