sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
