I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
