could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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