That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
