Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
