Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
