I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
