How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wear drunk well.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
