So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
