I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
