Whod you bang
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
