True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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