I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
