You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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