i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
