We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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