if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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