Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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