I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
