We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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