So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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