We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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