I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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