haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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