i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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