Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
