Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize