i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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