Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
