so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
