We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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