She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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