Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
